Growing Old Gracefully

My wife, Betty, and I were in Indiana July 25 last year to celebrate her mother’s 95th birthday. Family members gathered in the private dining room of her assisted living residence for a small party, including cake and all the trimmings. The highlight was her sharing memories of her earlier years as her great grandchildren asked her questions. It was a delightful day which ended with taking her out to a restaurant of her choice for dinner. She chose Red Lobster and thoroughly enjoyed her shrimp. The smile on her face throughout all the activities spoke volumes about how she has grown old gracefully. The joy of this occasion was enhanced by recalling that seven months ago she was in the hospital and we weren’t sure that she would make it to this recent 95th birthday.

As I recall the joy of that occasion, I remember a conversation I had once with an older acquaintance who was bemoaning the fact that he didn’t like having birthdays. When I asked why, he said, “It’s a reminder that life is slipping away.” I disagreed with him and tried to make some positive statement about growing older. He wasn’t convinced, and grumbled that the best thing he could say about birthdays is that it is better than the alternative! I wanted to disagree with him about that also but realized he wasn’t in the mood to hear any theological insights from me.

How about you? Do you enjoy having birthdays, or would you just as soon forget about them? Birthdays are not only the chronological way of measuring the passing of years, but a reminder of God’s miracle of the gift of life. In order to get the most out of life, we must learn how to accept growing older. So today I want us to think about aging as a part of God’s plan for life so that we might come to affirm and celebrate each day as a gift. I want us to consider what it means to grow old gracefully. To that end let me share several things I am learning about growing old gracefully.

First, growing old gracefully is dependent on maintaining a positive attitude regardless of life’s circumstances. Whatever life brings, our attitude determines how we deal with it and the outcome. Birthdays are occasions to focus on the meaning of life and to recall life’s blessings. Observing birthdays in a positive way calls for an attitude about toward life which speaks of one’s faith.

One day a number of years ago I visited one of my church members on her 100th birthday. The home where she resided had given her a party and numerous friends had come and gone. When I entered the room and inquired about how her day had been, she commented, “People have been coming and going all day. I’ve had 2 birthday cakes and just look at all those flowers and cards. I even got a card from the President of the United States. I don’t know what all the fuss is about. I’m only 100.” Her body was showing her age, but her attitude and positive spirit kept her young and alive.

Second, growing old gracefully is dependent on having a meaningful faith that helps interpret life. The Psalmist wrote: “You are my rock and my fortress; in you do I take refuge all the days of my life. For you Lord have been my hope and my trust from the days of my youth. Upon you I have depended from my birth.” This is such a wonderful age. We have seen so many advances in technology. Every area of our lives has been significantly touched and changed because of the multitude of advancements that have taken place. But even with all the modern advancements, and insights about genetic structure, life is still a mystery that can only be explained and interpreted through faith in God.

Third, growing old gracefully is dependent upon living life to the fullest and fulfilling your dreams. No matter how old we get, we must never lose sight of the fact that there are always tasks we can do, things to accomplish, and questions to answer. I’ve heard some elderly persons say, “I don’t know why I’m still here. I don’t have anything to live for.” To often people give up when they lose sight of any meaningful purpose to life and fail to recognize that each new day is a gift from God to be lived as fully as possible.

I’m discovering that one of the joys of aging is that as we move toward the final season of life our energies are no longer drained by anxieties to succeed. No wonder they call it the “golden years.” We become free from doing and can concentrate on being. Our faith can help us view each day as a unique opportunity to celebrate our existence and live life to the fullest with God’s help.

Rose was eighty-seven years old when she enrolled in college. She had a smile that brightened everyone’s day and an outgoing and positive spirit. When asked why she had re-enrolled in college at her age, she replied that it was to fulfill a life-long dream to get a college degree.

Over the course of the year, Rose made friends wherever she went on campus and became quote popular. At the end of the semester, she was invited to speak at the football banquet. What she shared was profound. This is what she said: "We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success. You have to laugh and find humor every day. You've got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many people walking around who are dead and don't even know it!"

"There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything, I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or ability."

"The idea is to grow up by always finding the opportunity in change. Have no regrets. The elderly usually don't have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets." She concluded her speech by courageously singing the song "The Rose" and challenged her fellow students to study the lyrics and live them out in their daily lives. At the year's end, Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago. Her legacy that lived on after she had gone was this: It's never too late to be all you can be and do all you possibly can. Some unfulfilled dreams may still be possible if we dare to dream of accomplishing them.

A number of years ago when I was in the pastorate, I attended a workshop where one of the speakers gave a thought-provoking address on “The Theology of Aging.” I recall one point he made was that “aging brings us closer to God.” I believe this is true, if we work on the relationship, and rely on the resources available to us to grow spiritually. Spiritual maturity is a part of growing old gracefully. It is only through faith that we can unlock the mysteries of life and death. And that leads to my final point:

Growing old gracefully is dependent on the ability to accept death as a part of life. A life well lived in the faith is one that can move toward acceptance of the reality of death as a part of God’s plan.

The writer of Ecclesiastes expressed it well: “For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven…” There are things that belong to every season of life. A child enjoys chasing fireflies and butterflies. A young person might dream of love and finding success. A middle-aged person might look forward to a dinner by candlelight, or a quiet evening at home. An older person might enjoy a short visit from grandchildren, or simply a quiet time of solitude for reflection. It is in the final season of life that we have the time and disposition to live everyday completely in the presence of God, experiencing the peace and serenity which comes through faith. In this season we can take time to pray, reflect and meditate while growing into a closer relationship with God, knowing that this life prepares us for eternity. Perhaps the primary purpose of aging is to discipline us to become wiser and more fully committed to the important things of life as stewards of the mysteries of God.

I recall a conversation I had with a church member on the occasion of her 85th birthday. I asked her what advice she could give younger folks. This is what she said: “Take every day that God gives you one at a time, do the best you can, and love the Lord. Read the Bible and pray regularly. Go to church and when you leave, give others a smile and hug. Keep interested in everything, and keep your mind alert. Don’t concentrate on yourself, but have a heart full of concern for others, and show concern for others’ well being. Treasure your friends. Be thankful for the difficult times, for they will make you stronger.” Wise words from one of the living saints I was privileged to know in my journey.

I like the way Robert Browning expressed the idea of growing old. “Grow old along with me. The best is yet to be, the last of life for which the first was made. Our times are in his hand who saith, ‘A whole I planned, youth shows but half; trust God; see all, nor be afraid’”. I suspect that when all has been said and done, that is truly what it means to grow old gracefully!